Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation is sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. “That tie looks great on you.” “I love your oatmeal cookies. You’re such a great baker.” People whose primary language is verbal also appreciate encouragement. Saying, “I think you handled that situation well” or acknowledging them for the progress they’ve made on a certain project are two examples of giving encouragement.
Time is more than just proximity. At its core, it’s about focusing all your attention on your mate. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in an uninterrupted setting. Quality time is not just about listening but also offering advice and responding in a way that shows you are truly listening. In order to offer quality time, you must also be in touch with your own inner emotions, so a certain amount of self-revelation is important. Quality activities are a very important aspect of quality time. Many people feel most loved when they are spending physical time together, doing the things they most love to do. Whether it’s sitting on the couch, going for a picnic or playing together in a tennis league, setting aside focused time with your mate is important if they value this love language.
People who value this love language treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. Luckily, this is one of the easiest languages to learn. If you are a natural spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your loved one. However, if you tend to be a saver or investor, there might be some new learning required in order to adjust to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. The gift of self is also included in this category, as sometimes all your mate wants is for you to be there for them, understanding what they are going through. Whatever the gift – free, frequent, expensive or rare, if your mate values this love language, they will feel happy and secure receiving any visible sign of your love.
Take a new look at that ‘honey-do’ jar. Sometimes simple chores around the house are an undeniable expression of love. Even these small tasks require some form of planning, time, effort and energy. It’s important to know which acts of service your mate appreciates most. Just because you’ve mown the lawn and washed the car, doesn’t mean your mate will view this as an act of love. If they value another chore over the ones you’ve picked, for example, taking out the garbage or walking the dog –and these are constantly left undone -- they may feel unloved. Once you’ve identified your mate’s key areas of service, it’s important to perform these chores in the spirit of love, kindness and devotion, not obligation.
Whether it’s a bear hug or foot massage, holding hands or a gentle touch on the cheek, learn what kind of physical touch your mate loves most. This language of love is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure isn’t necessarily what will make your partner happy. Some types of touch are irritating and uncomfortable so take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. If this is your primary love language, physical touch is the way you best express and experience love.
And so there you have it, just in time for Valentine’s Day, a little exploration into the five languages of love….How better to show your mate your devotion than by offering it in the language they’ll best hear? And if you’re single, there’s nothing like a little self-revelation in understanding your own primary language of love…..
Interested in learning more about The Five Love Languages, as described by Dr. Gary Chapman? Click here: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
Happy Valentine’s Day!
From The Gardening Circle
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